Hi everyone. Just a little update. Had my checkup a week and a half ago - my regular blood tests were marginally improved, but I still feel they are a bit low! No light chains available, but they are testing to see if I have polymyalgia (condition usually of the elderly which makes your muscles etc ache). I have had some discussion about sleeping problems - I have been prescribed tamazepam by my GP, but a full tablet makes me so doped up! At the hospital they think they might help with the muscle aching, but I don’t want to feel sleepy all day. I may try half tablets on a more regular basis or just accept being awake! Beta blockers may be an alternative, but they do lower your blood pressure and mine is already quite low. I did think I was making progress with the Zantac for indigestion, but have not been so good recently - however, I have been a little more relaxed about my diet and I think therein may be the problem. But low fat no choc diets are so boring!!!!
Yesterday I had a really positive visit to the clinical psychologist. I have felt low on and off for some months, which can be a feature of coming off treatment and being in recovery, and associated worries and being physically run down. I rejected the idea to start with (I always felt I was strong enough to cope) but Bob said why not go, when I complained about my moods later. Before I went I brainstormed (mark of a teacher!!) my feelings - what was bugging/worrying me. I also wrote down positives and possible solutions. That exercise in itself was good - I was surprised at the results! The lady I saw was lovely and I basically just yattered away for over an hour (how anyone can listen to people all day pouring out their thoughts is beyond me). I did get upset briefly at the end, but felt very positive afterwards and haven’t felt low at all today. Talking to someone objective is really helpful, as you don’t need to ‘dump’ on the family. Often people feel the need to keep up a ‘face’. I am having another session soon and maybe able to explore my feelings a bit further. I would recommend it to anyone who has had treatment and is feeling low - but there was a waiting list!
I have taken the decision to try to get retirement through ill health. It’s difficult to get, but if I can’t get it I will take early retirement. It is a shame but I can’t see me recovering fully enough to get back to teaching for ages, if ever and I want to stay in remission as long as possible. The school is starting off the process which could take 2 or 3 months. I’ve got a nerve ending test coming up which should help with evidence and I shall probably ring the unions for any advice on how to apply. It’s a very strange feeling to be doing all this, but I have to change my priorities. I also have quite a few projects and other activities to keep me busy. I will miss all my friends amongst the staff - I really miss the social contact at the moment. My daughter commented very perceptively that I had a need to feel useful - so true - it’s one of the things that bugs me! But I think it is the right thing to do.
Anyway really tired now (didn’t get to sleep until 3 last night!), so will write again soon. Thanks again to everyone who is keeping in contact by whatever means - it is really helping.
